You know the child who came to you for foster care did not come from an ideal home and you are very concerned about his or her returning there. You have had to work so hard to help the child with many problems. You have come to love the child and you have seen such change. Now you are afraid of a slide backwards and it feels as if all you have done has been for nothing. You will find it hard to understand how the agency can consider returning the child to that awful place.

     You cannot see any evidence of change. But nothing stands still. There have been changes, even though those changes may not be as great as you would like. It may help some to think about the possible changes.

     Sometimes people who have severe problems are helped to get themselves together when they have had a chance to work on those problems without the constant pressure of the daily care of the child. They may have been undergoing counseling and have learned to feel better about themselves. If they do feel better about themselves, it will be easier for them not to use the child as a scapegoat for their own problems. If they have been helped by the agency, they now know this is a resource which they can use for future help.

     The most important change of all is the change in the child who has now had more experience outside the home. The child has known you and others like you, and now has more models to choose from as he or she decides what kind of an adult to become. He is older and can better protect himself. He also knows how to get help if needed.

     Children should not be deprived of being with their families except for the gravest of reasons. By being with their own families, children have the best chance to truly know their parents and to understand their own place in the scheme of things. This is very important for healthy emotional development.

     The child's return home has been considered very seriously and while often it may not seem to be ideal, it may offer the child the best chance.

     What you have given children will never be lost. You have been with them, have understood and comforted them through one of the most painful periods of their lives . . . that time when they had to live away from their parents.

     The child will not forget you.

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